Find Yourself Another Counselor

Recently, I have become very closely acquainted with matters of infidelity. DON”T FREAK! I’m not the victim or the victimizer.

I have read articles and heard stories, that, well… are truly disturbing, but none like this one. I am going to skip through the details because, if I would have been able to choose, I would have chosen to never, ever know about this. Really – I have lost sleep and a few other things over this one.

Let’s get down to the important part. How to deal with infidelity and what is the right way to deal with your cheating spouse according the Bible. I wanted to write a Bible verse-laced post so that any serious and experienced Christian who read it (not that I have any kind of a following or anything) would see that I was diligent in my research, however I have decided that I will go with my gut. All this means is that I am going to vent and tell you how I think things shouldn't be handled… just for the sake of getting this off my chest and in the hope that certain people will stumble across this post.

Ladies, please, let me tell you that I have not been in your situation. I may be one day, but I pray I am not. I don’t want to be and more importantly, I don’t want my husband to be in this situation because I love him. I also want to let you know that every story is different and I don’t intend to say, with any kind of authority, that specific actions are not required because I am not a professional. With that said, I will tell you from the get-go that EMASCULATING your husband and the father of your children in not the way to go. I find this method appalling and I want to denounce it right now. Just as I don't agree when a male counselor wants to blame the woman for everything and expects for a woman to carry a black eye for the sake of Eph 5:22, I don’t understand how any Christian counselor will suggest or agree to EMASCULATING your husband and in my humble opinion it will only create a weaker man.

I am a mother of two boys and I will tell you that I may have no idea on how to raise them, but one thing that I am sure of is that I will never accept for any woman to humiliate them. If I, their mother who carried and birthed them do not use humiliation as a disciplinary tactic, you can be sure that I will not accept it from anyone else.

Ladies, please beware. You are not helping your husbands to be a strong man in Christ if you are doing these kinds of things. He has to earn back your trust, yes, but don’t think that you are now the man of the house and have to slap him around. Nowhere in the Bible have I ever read that it is even a little bit OK to emotionally abuse each other in this manner. If the respect is gone and things have gone so far off path, then maybe it’s time to let go and let God. You are not just your husband’s victim now, but you are your own victim at this point. You are a victim of your own pride. You are probably putting your kids through hell. They know. They always know. And please don’t teach your kids (daughters) that all men are weak animals because THAT IS NOT WHAT GOD MADE MAN TO BE.

Ha! Just when you thought I was a feminist, I drop this bomb! Well, it sickens me beyond belief that this is happening and that there are actual professionals doing this. Maybe I don’t understand. Maybe I just can’t understand because I am not the one going through it, but if you believe in God’s unconditional love, you know that we are all sinners and yet Christ died for us without any strings attached. He offers us His Love and forgiveness without beating us down or making us feel unworthy. 

I personally find that this kind of Misery could only come from a heart that is not in line with God’s heart. Have you ever heard a testimony of a real tragedy? When Christians face tragedies (losing a child is THE greatest of them all in my book), we don’t resort to hate speech or any other kind of dirty tactics. We look for God’s love and peace to guide and rescue us from the pain. We don’t say “why me?”, “I don’t deserve this” or  “this can’t be happening to MEEE”. That is shameful. And it is prideful. And pride is a sin.

Once you are done castrating your husband and he is never able to touch you again because he has seen the dark side of you and he feels like he is always going to be a piece of garbage, I would like to know how that man is ever going to be any good to you or your children. You may as well kill him and stuff him and put his head on your wall. If you want to live your life in that kind of hell, then go for it, but let me tell you one more thing. Your sin (your pride and emasculating, disrespecting, etc. your husband) will not allow you to receive any kind of blessing or restoration from the Lord. Your husband is not the only one in sin. You have to let go of your filthy pride and your issues too. Entitlement is always wrong. You are not entitled to make his life miserable until he dies. If you were, then I guess Jesus would be entitled to do the same with us. 

The fruit of the Spirit (Love, joy, peace, lomgsuffering, goodness, meekness) is expected from all Christians – regardless. There is no clause that says otherwise. If you know I am talking to you, I want to tell you one more thing. You don’t love him anymore. You re obsessed with a concept. Search your heart and be honest with yourself. You need as much help as he does. Find yourself another counselor.

Daddy's Little Girl

All little girls fall in love with their daddies first. I know I did. And from the looks of it, Olivia is in love with her daddy too. My parents were born around the time of the Great Depression and I am 38 years old. Technically, I was raised by grandparents and maybe that has a lot to do with the "wisdom" imparted upon me as I was growing up.

In today's culture of independent thinking and progressive social agendas, I am going to make a bold statement for which I will not excuse myself: A father is an important and integral part of the family unit and apart from a tragedy (death, etc.), or a separation due to uncontrollable circumstances like abuse, there is, nor will there ever be a better environment to raise a child except that which is delineated in the Word of God.

Today because of a friends Facebook post for #girltalk, I started thinking about my father and his impact on my life. Did he have an impact on who I am, who I dated and ultimately, who I married? Continue reading and find out.

We may or may not want to admit it, but all fathers, whether involved or not involved, whether present or not, will have an impact on the development of their children's character and it will be evident by the decisions that person will choose to make.

My father was my hero. When I was growing up and well into my teen years and young adulthood, I considered him to be the most intelligent and kind man alive. I didn't agree with him all the time, but I always (almost always) chose to comply. I honored him by obeying him in spite of myself. Many times I flirted with the thought of rebellion, but his love and his protection (or the thought of losing it) kept me on the straight path. I mentioned on a recent Facebook post that he and his brothers grew up without a father and dirt poor, yet there was not one drug addict or thief in the bunch. His wisdom was not always the most PC, but now as an adult I find that motherhood is constantly reminding me of his words. 

Did you notice what I wrote in the last paragraph? And I quote (myself), "his love and his protection (or the thought of losing it) kept me on the straight path". That sounds like what God does for us? He gives us, as His children, His Love and protection. The older I get the more I understand certain things. Our freedom in Christ allows us to willfully submit to Him because we know He loves us and will protect us (He has plans to prosper us). We trust Him implicitly just like we do our earthly fathers as we get ready to jump into that pool for the first time when we are 4 years old. Incredible how the relationship with our Heavenly Father is so similar to our relationship with our earthly father. It was meant to be that way. Through our earthly relationships, we experience a small glimpse of the Love of Christ for us. 

So did my father have an impact on me? Well... I learned how to deal with people from him, with kindness, respect and authority. I have always enjoyed very healthy relationships with all the men in my life, never feeling like a victim. He taught me that no one was better than me or had the right to humiliate me. I learned what kind of wife I wanted to be from my father. One who would respect and submit to a husband who is willing to die for her. As a matter of fact, I consider myself blessed beyond what I deserve as I now have two men who would die for me and a God who did. He taught me about being a parent. I want to be loved and respected by my children in the same way that I love and respect him. His work ethic: impeccable. And finally, among many other things, he offered me the opportunity to be better than the previous generation. He sent me to a Christian School where I learned what he couldn't teach me about the Love and Word of God and he sent me to College. That was probably his greatest success as a father.

My father also provided a safe haven for me. I felt safe when I was with him. Not my house, it was him. He was my anchor as I navigated through rough waters. I learned that I wanted to marry a man with whom I would always feel protected. A strong man of God who could provide me with a place to rest when I felt weak and who would slow me down when I was moving too fast or going in the wrong direction. Of course, he has his shortcomings as we all do, but I also learned from that. For example, I married a man who is fiscally conservative, which my father applauds and in his old age realizes that he could have been wiser with his money.

The above list of examples of how my father has and continues to impact the development of my character is just the tip of the iceberg. The more I think about it, the longer the list gets. Even today, as he cares for my mother, he demonstrates Love and Love comes from God (John 4:7). So, how did he impact my life? Through a deep and complex web of unspoken lessons, he laid the foundation for who I am today.

Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.