My Husband Deserves a Trophy Wife!

Today, I am going to write about a very controversial topic. The topic of weight loss or should I say weight gain IS a pretty touchy subject. Would you agree? But could gaining weight or “being fat” ever be as unspeakable as many of the issues that we talk about today? By the way, you can find some of these other issues and my unsolicited opinion about them in previous blog posts (I digress). I think that being fat is terrible. Being called fat is almost as bad as using other negative adjectives, you know the ones. And I for one can be honest about a lot of things, but if your zipper is open, you have a booger in your nose OR you are fat, you won’t hear it from me. That is why I am writing about it.

So… Today, I was asked what made me get serious about losing weight. I stumbled around while trying to answer. It was the first time I had been asked that question even though I had asked it many times before. My answer was sincere, but it wasn't complete. The truth is that I just don’t know exactly, but I will tell you how it all started.

As you know, from my posts and pics, I have 3 kids. After my first pregnancy, in which I only gained 21 lbs, I was back at my pre-pregnancy weight within a week. After my second pregnancy, in which I only gained 19 lbs, I don’t remember what happened. Maybe because they were 15 months apart, but I just really can’t remember what happened until… a few weeks right before David’s 1^st birthday party.  I knew I wanted to lose a few pounds if I wanted to look OK for the pictures. I did. It wasn't a big deal and the pictures were OK. After his birthday which also marked my return to corporate America, I regained my pre-child bearing body, but… (because there is always a but).

To make a long story short David is 8 now and between then and now, I had managed to gain a few pounds. Now, back to this morning’s question… what made me get to the point where I decided that I needed to get back in control? I can honestly say that it was the day that I saw a friend of mine after her lipo. She looked like she had never looked before and I knew that I would never be able to look like that again. SELF PITY! That is what did it for me. I was so happy for her, but so terribly sad for myself. We were so impressed. Even Edwin thought it was like magic. Of course, she had also lost 35 lbs. She explained that her doctor first did the lipo and later she had lost the weight. Of course, we all think it should be the other way around. We were so impressed that Edwin, my knight in shining armor, came to the rescue like he always does. He said I should look into the lipo. At first, I thought it would be impossible for me, with 3 kids and all, to have any kind of procedure. And of course, as my friend mentioned to me, there is such pain, guilt and shame for allowing yourself to get to the point of shopping for a surgeon. But, between the self-pity and the fact that my wedding ring didn't fit, I couldn't just continue on the path of destruction.

So, I did it! I did my arms and inner thighs and that was the start of a happy relationship with my body. I have lost most of my weight by now, still have 10 lbs to go to be at my “Yes, I have three kids and look this good” weight, but I am well on my way. I have been eating healthy, but mostly, I have been breaking some bad habits. 

Here is where it gets good. Bad habits (sigh). Why do we even form these bad habits? I have a lot to say about that and I can even get a little spiritual about it (because this IS spiritual), but what I want is to be clear so that I can help at least one person get serious about not just losing weight, but gaining control. I was talking to someone who said to me that she did not feel like losing weight for her husband. She wanted to lose weight for herself and not to make anyone else happy. I am not going to imply that our happiness has to depend on the happiness of anyone else, but I will say this: My husband deserves to have a trophy wife. I am far from a trophy - physically, anyway ;) - but he does. What that person said to me spoke volumes of the reason why she was overweight in the first place. She is not happy in her situation, doesn't believe her husband deserves a trophy wife and she might be punishing him and herself for it. Women’s emotions are like a spider web. If one of those silk threads gets damaged, the whole web falls apart. Is this making sense, ladies? If you are not 100% well, inside, everything suffers. Once you allow yourself to get into these bad habits, they tend to take the best of you. One bad habit that I had was eating until I felt totally stuffed. It felt awesome. Not sure why, but the feeling of fullness made me happy. I am very happy in with my life: God, husband, family, etc… but maybe, I am in the wrong line of work? Maybe, I wish I was still in corporate America making a bucket full of money? Maybe, I’m just upset because I want my kids to go to a Christian school? Maybe, I feel trapped? Maybe, deep down, I want to home school? I don’t have control over some things, but I know that one thing that I can control is what I eat, so, I will eat until I feel full and in control. You see what I mean? It just takes one little thread! Oh, and btw, your husbands don’t think like this.

Whatever it is that is holding you hostage within yourself, you have to break it. Once you find that taking control feels much better than losing it, you will start moving in the right direction. Now when I see a bag of powdered donuts, I walk away. (Confession: last night I didn't walk away soon enough). It is a day to day thing. We are not perfect, but if you want to be a trophy wife, inside and out, whether your husband deserves it or not… take care of those bad habits. We have to exercise self-control over so many things – I know it’s hard, but you can do it. What motivated me is not the same thing that will motivate you.  

I believe that we are all perfect in the eyes of God. He created us to his image. Anything that we do to our bodies that can distance our appearance (and our hearts) from the original creation is not a good thing. I am obviously an advocate of cosmetic surgery, but it can also become a bad habit. Sex, alcohol, drugs and such can become a bad habit. Working too much can become a bad habit. Loving someone can become a bad habit. Hating yourself can become a bad habit.

If you are looking for an organic weight loss story, I am not the best example. The lipo helps you look better sooner and that motivated me to stick to the diet. It’s almost like cheating, but when you get to the point where you can barely look at yourself in a mirror and you get your kids to stand in front of you in pictures to cover your body from the lens, maybe drastic is the only way to go. I remember when I use to look at myself vainly as I was passing the glass window of any store at the mall. I liked the way I looked. One day I stopped looking at my body in the mirror and only looked at my face to make sure the make-up was right. Finally, I would just look at my eyes in the rear view mirror of the car to put on my eyeliner. The mirror got smaller and smaller. I am back to a good place. Started walking by the glass windows again. Let’s see how long I can hold out. We make conscious decisions every day to be good or bad. I just have to stay away from the powdered donuts. 

PS - We are the bride of Christ!

Why put a bumper sticker on a Lamborghini?

“I Corinthians 10:23: Everything is permissible -- but not everything is beneficial. However, it is probably prudent to realize that if God thought it was a bad idea to cut or tattoo your body in Leviticus, then He still thinks it's not a good idea. The only thing that has changed is how he deals with your decision to go against His wisdom.

Perhaps the qualifying question for a Christian is, of what benefit is "fill-in-the-blank" to the Kingdom of God? Will it further your relationship with Christ? Is it even smart to mark your body permanently with a "here-today-gone-tomorrow" fad that you may one day feel stupid displaying?” – Bob Coy

There is a new fad that I will call “tattooing for Jesus”. I have also seen on the news pole dancing for Jesus (probably the reason why I don’t watch the news). I have always been attracted by tattoos (not pole dancing). I have seriously considered getting a tattoo many times. I even have a post about it. If you know me and you have a tattoo, I have always complimented your tattoo(s) and probably even felt a little jealous of your body art (shhh).  I have never really cared to judge or condemn tattoos, until now. I don’t think that getting a tattoo is going to send you to hell, but I don’t believe that any tattoo has anything to do with glorifying God. Maybe it’s old age, motherhood or maybe I’m just tired of these distractions.

Every time I have thought about getting a tattoo, the reason has always been rebellion or self-gratification. I once met a girl who tattooed a sparrow on her wrist to symbolize her virginity and commitment not to have sex before marriage. Sounds noble enough – a sacred covenant. I have also seen enough episodes of Inked to know that people often get tattoos as part of their grieving process after losing a loved one. If that is the case I will tell you this: My parents have been mourning my sister’s death for 37 years and no amount of money, parties, drinking, friends, collectibles Lladros or jewelry could ever erase that memory or fill that empty, gaping hole.

Being that tattoos are an outward expression of your heart, a Christian themed tattoo seems to be ok, right? Well, as a parent, I wouldn’t want my daughter or son to mark their bodies for any reason. I want them to think twice about the impact that these kinds of compromising actions/decisions will have on their life – whether it is a tattoo, sex, smoking, drinking, drugs…These actions will not necessarily send you to hell, but it will leave a mark – whether inside or outside, or both. When it comes to my kids, I don’t want to see anything marking the skin of a child who I raised and cared for by wiping away every tear and cleaning blood from their scraped knees. Doing everything so that all of those falls and scrapes won't leave a mark. Unfortunately, David split his right knee open when he was 6 and had to get 14 stitches. That left a severe scar and there is not one day that goes by that I don’t wish that his scar was on me rather than him. Jonathan also has tiny scars that remind me of his time in the NICU – his PIC line, the day of the blood transfusion… should I go on?

So, when the most exciting thing that happened in Sunday School is that the Sunday school teacher got a new tattoo, what am I supposed to tell my kids?  That the tattoo glorifies God? I for one can't accept that because my tattoo infatuation has always been about the flesh and not the spirit. If you want a tattoo, get one, take responsibility for it and stop trying to sanctify it. It is not a witnessing tool. It is a tattoo. An ordinary tattoo. The only extraordinary thing you got on you is the Holy Spirit. 

Now, the Bible only addresses marking and cutting your skin in the OT. Some argue that the words of the OT no longer apply and after the grace that we received through the death of Jesus on the cross, we don’t have to live by any of those rules (FYI - Jesus came to fulfill the law). Others will argue that the actions of marking the skin and eating unclean animals are never mentioned in the NT, but when you read you need to understand that these were rules that God gave His people so that they would stand out as the chosen people of God. I don’t think anything has changed. Today, there are (pagan) practices that have nothing to do with God and God’s people should have nothing to do with them. Just like some of us will stay away from celebrating Halloween because of its origins, the history or origin of this ritual (tattooing) is not something that we should take lightly. We should be different – that is what attracts people to us. Not our tattoos, piercings, using curse words in our worship music, etc. Unbelievers have tried it all. What they are missing is Jesus. They are looking for redemption and purity – the purity that comes from the blood of Jesus, not the blood-letting of the tattoo. Please, please, do not underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit which convicts through the Word of God.

“Jesus didn’t burn anything in protest of other religions. His only physical marks were scars from his crucifixion, not a stunt to increase the crowd to 5,000 (plus women and children) for the feeding miracle. He had another plan…

He would build his church on the truth that He was the Christ – the one-and-only Messiah/Savior – and that message would be the foundation of what would follow. Today – as it was, then – that is the most controversial thing we could say or do: to maintain that the Lord Jesus Christ is the only way to the Father in Heaven is the offense of history. Consider me offensive, with no headlines….” – Bob Shank

The devil is the master of compromise. It’s the little things… let’s vote pro-choice, let’s vote pro marriage equality because my lesbian friend would give me her kidney if I needed it, let’s not talk about sin at church because then people won’t come back. The devil is also the master of distractions… let’s wear green nail polish on Tuesday at 3PM so that everyone who sees our green nail polish will ask about Jesus, but let’s not post anything in support of Israel, let’s not teach from the OT, let’s not talk about doctrine and let’s be politically correct or better yet a-political.

Listen, if you are reading this and you are one of my un-saved friends, I love your tatts! If you are reading this and you are one of my saved friends and you plan on getting a tattoo, better you than me ;). If you are my child and you are reading this in 10 years because you want to permanently mark yourself for the sake of who knows what, read on.

Let’s start branding ourselves on the inside. Let’s read the OT along with the rest of the Bible. Let’s start with the 10 commandments – I bet you will find a solution to your existential or humanistic crisis by reading through those 10 simple rules. Don’t kill (abortion), don’t covet (if you want your neighbors car, get a degree and work hard and get yourself promoted to a higher paying position)…  And if you are thinking about getting a Christian tattoo, please think about this: You were wonderfully and fearfully made. You are perfect in the eyes of God. So, why put a bumper sticker on a Lamborghini?