My Husband Deserves a Trophy Wife!

Today, I am going to write about a very controversial topic. The topic of weight loss or should I say weight gain IS a pretty touchy subject. Would you agree? But could gaining weight or “being fat” ever be as unspeakable as many of the issues that we talk about today? By the way, you can find some of these other issues and my unsolicited opinion about them in previous blog posts (I digress). I think that being fat is terrible. Being called fat is almost as bad as using other negative adjectives, you know the ones. And I for one can be honest about a lot of things, but if your zipper is open, you have a booger in your nose OR you are fat, you won’t hear it from me. That is why I am writing about it.

So… Today, I was asked what made me get serious about losing weight. I stumbled around while trying to answer. It was the first time I had been asked that question even though I had asked it many times before. My answer was sincere, but it wasn't complete. The truth is that I just don’t know exactly, but I will tell you how it all started.

As you know, from my posts and pics, I have 3 kids. After my first pregnancy, in which I only gained 21 lbs, I was back at my pre-pregnancy weight within a week. After my second pregnancy, in which I only gained 19 lbs, I don’t remember what happened. Maybe because they were 15 months apart, but I just really can’t remember what happened until… a few weeks right before David’s 1^st birthday party.  I knew I wanted to lose a few pounds if I wanted to look OK for the pictures. I did. It wasn't a big deal and the pictures were OK. After his birthday which also marked my return to corporate America, I regained my pre-child bearing body, but… (because there is always a but).

To make a long story short David is 8 now and between then and now, I had managed to gain a few pounds. Now, back to this morning’s question… what made me get to the point where I decided that I needed to get back in control? I can honestly say that it was the day that I saw a friend of mine after her lipo. She looked like she had never looked before and I knew that I would never be able to look like that again. SELF PITY! That is what did it for me. I was so happy for her, but so terribly sad for myself. We were so impressed. Even Edwin thought it was like magic. Of course, she had also lost 35 lbs. She explained that her doctor first did the lipo and later she had lost the weight. Of course, we all think it should be the other way around. We were so impressed that Edwin, my knight in shining armor, came to the rescue like he always does. He said I should look into the lipo. At first, I thought it would be impossible for me, with 3 kids and all, to have any kind of procedure. And of course, as my friend mentioned to me, there is such pain, guilt and shame for allowing yourself to get to the point of shopping for a surgeon. But, between the self-pity and the fact that my wedding ring didn't fit, I couldn't just continue on the path of destruction.

So, I did it! I did my arms and inner thighs and that was the start of a happy relationship with my body. I have lost most of my weight by now, still have 10 lbs to go to be at my “Yes, I have three kids and look this good” weight, but I am well on my way. I have been eating healthy, but mostly, I have been breaking some bad habits. 

Here is where it gets good. Bad habits (sigh). Why do we even form these bad habits? I have a lot to say about that and I can even get a little spiritual about it (because this IS spiritual), but what I want is to be clear so that I can help at least one person get serious about not just losing weight, but gaining control. I was talking to someone who said to me that she did not feel like losing weight for her husband. She wanted to lose weight for herself and not to make anyone else happy. I am not going to imply that our happiness has to depend on the happiness of anyone else, but I will say this: My husband deserves to have a trophy wife. I am far from a trophy - physically, anyway ;) - but he does. What that person said to me spoke volumes of the reason why she was overweight in the first place. She is not happy in her situation, doesn't believe her husband deserves a trophy wife and she might be punishing him and herself for it. Women’s emotions are like a spider web. If one of those silk threads gets damaged, the whole web falls apart. Is this making sense, ladies? If you are not 100% well, inside, everything suffers. Once you allow yourself to get into these bad habits, they tend to take the best of you. One bad habit that I had was eating until I felt totally stuffed. It felt awesome. Not sure why, but the feeling of fullness made me happy. I am very happy in with my life: God, husband, family, etc… but maybe, I am in the wrong line of work? Maybe, I wish I was still in corporate America making a bucket full of money? Maybe, I’m just upset because I want my kids to go to a Christian school? Maybe, I feel trapped? Maybe, deep down, I want to home school? I don’t have control over some things, but I know that one thing that I can control is what I eat, so, I will eat until I feel full and in control. You see what I mean? It just takes one little thread! Oh, and btw, your husbands don’t think like this.

Whatever it is that is holding you hostage within yourself, you have to break it. Once you find that taking control feels much better than losing it, you will start moving in the right direction. Now when I see a bag of powdered donuts, I walk away. (Confession: last night I didn't walk away soon enough). It is a day to day thing. We are not perfect, but if you want to be a trophy wife, inside and out, whether your husband deserves it or not… take care of those bad habits. We have to exercise self-control over so many things – I know it’s hard, but you can do it. What motivated me is not the same thing that will motivate you.  

I believe that we are all perfect in the eyes of God. He created us to his image. Anything that we do to our bodies that can distance our appearance (and our hearts) from the original creation is not a good thing. I am obviously an advocate of cosmetic surgery, but it can also become a bad habit. Sex, alcohol, drugs and such can become a bad habit. Working too much can become a bad habit. Loving someone can become a bad habit. Hating yourself can become a bad habit.

If you are looking for an organic weight loss story, I am not the best example. The lipo helps you look better sooner and that motivated me to stick to the diet. It’s almost like cheating, but when you get to the point where you can barely look at yourself in a mirror and you get your kids to stand in front of you in pictures to cover your body from the lens, maybe drastic is the only way to go. I remember when I use to look at myself vainly as I was passing the glass window of any store at the mall. I liked the way I looked. One day I stopped looking at my body in the mirror and only looked at my face to make sure the make-up was right. Finally, I would just look at my eyes in the rear view mirror of the car to put on my eyeliner. The mirror got smaller and smaller. I am back to a good place. Started walking by the glass windows again. Let’s see how long I can hold out. We make conscious decisions every day to be good or bad. I just have to stay away from the powdered donuts. 

PS - We are the bride of Christ!